Memories

Most of my memories are fuzzy, and to be honest, there are lots of things I should remember but don't. But I had a sharp snippet of a memory come back to me today.  It felt like deja vu almost.  I went outside tonight to get some fresh air and to get out of my stuffy house.  I layed in my hammock and basically communed with the night sky whilst listening the Penny & Sparrow album.  Do you ever have that?  Looking up into the night sky and just being alone in your thoughts is just plain spiritual sometimes.  I just felt so complete and at peace.  Better connected to myself.  With a better sense of who I've always been (that eternal part of me that will always be).  

And for some reason that feeling took me back to 2002 in Tyler's white clunker of an SUV (she had a name like Bessie or Bertha).  I can't remember who was there that night...maybe Jon and Esera, maybe Claud, Mak or Tiffany.  But I remember laying there in the back with the seat folded down and listening silently to Simon (by Lifehouse) and breathing in fresh Idaho air and feeling so at peace and so loved and just in communion with everything and everyone around me.  It made me miss all of the times in Idaho when there was nothing to do and we would go driving on a dark night through potato farm roads, and not say anything, and just be.  It made me miss the kinds of friendships where you don't have to say anything, you're okay just being together and let the music do the talking.  Or where quiet is okay because you know each other well enough to have the capacity to converse without talking.

Sometimes I forget how much certain things make me happy.  Looking at the stars is one of them.  I need to do it more often.

And now, a few of the delicious lyrics from the song To Haunt, To Startle

When you hear nothing...

And you feel less...

Your struggle is pretty, sit still

& know that I know what is best.

Gratitude, Spring Soccer and the "effectual struggle".

Sometimes you just have good days.  Not like Disneyland good days.  But just days where you feel content and really grateful.  Today just turned light.  Maybe it was getting off of work at 2 and knowing that I was officially on Spring Break.  It may have been meeting up with Kelsey at the gym to do some gymmy things.  Or getting cafe rio tostadas afterwards?  I think it was that at 4, with frozen yogurt in hand, we made our way back over to the school and perched ourselves on a perfectly warm, sunlit hill overlooking the Salt Lake valley, the wasatch mountains AND the phall high soccer field.  As we walked to the hill my students yelled, "Spraz, you came" and "cheer for us in Spanish again like last time".  It was fun that they were so excited to see me and just added my feeling lighthearted.  Watching the game made me feel nostalgic about all of the Saturday games I attended for each of my four younger siblings.  Ha!  And I still can't explain what "offsides" is.  None of this might seem like a big deal to you, and that's okay.  I'm just grateful for some really simple things that I had stopped appreciating.

There's something about Spring that just turns me grateful.  Seeing some flowers on trees, and green in fields, it staying lighter longer (almost 8 o'clock now!), the feeling that the school year is getting closer to the end, and the Easter message of hope in the Resurrection of Jesus Christ.  I like the "newness" vibe of Spring and that makes me want to be more optimistic.  I think that explains why I read the scripture Mosiah 7:18 differently the other night.

So let me briefly summarize the situation first and give a little history.  A group of Nephites had left Zarahemla (with a guy named Zeniff as their leader) and gone back to the land of Nephi to "claim their inheritance" in the land of Nephi...read more about it HERE (verses 27-30).  We all know the story of Zeniff's son King Noah, and then his son is King Limhi you can read about in Mosiah (chapters 7, 8 and 21...and everything in between for the whole story).  King Limhi and his people are not doing too hot (and in, like, major bondage to the Lamanites) when they are discovered by Ammon (from Zarahemla).  There's a ton of rejoicing because they're happy that their brothers in Zarahemla are doing well, happy that they might have help to get them out of their mess/bondage and happy that Ammon has brought them some of the words of the amazing King Benjamin.  And then verse 18 is King Limhi addressing his people after all of this rejoicing...

"18 And it came to pass that when they had gathered themselves together that he ^aspake unto them in this wise, saying: O ye, my people, lift up your heads and be comforted; for behold, the time is at hand, or is not far distant, when we shall no longer be in subjection to our enemies, notwithstanding our many strugglings, which have been in vain; yet I trust there ^bremaineth an effectual struggle to be made."

For some reason I had never bothered to look up what effectual means and assumed it meant like a never-ending or repeating struggle.  Here's what effectual means:

ef·fec·tu·al

iˈfekCHo͞oəl/

adjective

adjective: effectual

1. 1.

   (typically of something inanimate or abstract) successful in producing a desired or intended result; effective.

   "tobacco smoke is the most effectual protection against the mosquito"

   synonyms:

   effective, successful, productive, constructive; worthwhile, helpful, beneficial, advantageous, valuable, useful; formalefficacious "effectual political action"

OH MY GOSH.  I love effectual struggles.  I love this scripture.  Sometimes we feel like maybe we have struggled in vain, that our suffering and fighting didn't even accomplish anything for us.  King Limhi was hopeful but honest that their future would be a struggle BUT that is would be an "effective, successful, productive, worthwhile, advantageous, valuable" struggle.

Believing that you have an effectual struggle left to fight is so hopeful, just like Spring, and now you get why Springtime made me read this scripture differently.

The Power Of Words

I took this picture a few years ago at a traveling exhibit that was at BYU showcasing art from the Middle East.  Some of the art was writing.  Whatever the language was (Arabic, Persian, Farsi, or an ancient version of one of those, I have no idea) it was beautiful.  And then I read the sign pictured above.  Something about that resonated so strongly with me I had to take a picture of it.  Later, some students I was with (on a field trip) got yelled at for taking pictures.  Ooops.

So I really believe that certain words do have healing and protecting powers.  Some words are so sacred that I only say them in certain places or at certain times.  Through a series of instances I have come to know that there is a real and tangible power in Christ's name.  Yes, one of the things I understand about Him is that there is power even in His Holy Name.  I used to think that people were just being dramatic when they would assert something along those lines.  It's not dramatic or showy or cliche to me anymore; it's just the truth.

I just did a search in my digital gospel library of the phrase "in his name" and I've come to realize that the best things in my life have been done "in his name".  How powerful and significant then is the concept that we take that name upon us.

There's also the power of everyday words.  Words in regular conversation.  What we are even willing to talk about or discuss.  I recommend reading this talk by Jeffery R. Holland from 2007:  http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2007/04/the-tongue-of-angels?lang=eng

Words are powerful!  Do you believe they can heal and protect?

On Choosing Happiness

I regularly watch a youtube vlog called The Shaytards.  And the dad, Shay, will sometimes spout off about how happiness is a choice and how he has to sometimes make a concerted and conscious effort to "choose happiness".

I wholeheartedly agree.  While I believe 2 Nephi 2:25, that the purpose of our existence is to have joy, I know that joy and happiness have to be realized.  My state of happiness has little to do with external circumstances and a lot to with how I choose see and interpret things.  It has a lot to do hope and what I expect.  It has a lot to with gratitude.  It has a lot to do with my relationship with God.

I had a moment yesterday where I saw the opportunity for me to choose happiness or not.  It started about 6:30 last night on my way home from shopping at City Creek with a friend, we stopped by Best Buy to see if I could upgrade my phone (finally).  Since this summer my phone has gotten really slow, hardly holds a charge, turns off randomly but won't stay powered down when I want it to.  So yes, I've been anxious to get my phone upgraded.  I'm not sure if all Best Buys are like this all the time, but it was BUSY.  I finally got to meet with a worker and we sat down and she pulled out the new phone I wanted.  We got down to business and she started typing away at the computer.  Then she asked for ID.  I opened my wallet and realized my license had been lost at the airport a few weeks earlier and was going to be mailed to my house.  "Do you have a passport or another type of state or federally issued photo ID?"  Sadly, I didn't.  I don't carry my passport with me and that's really the only other thing I've got.  She did estimate the value of my phone for trade-in so I thanked her for her help and my friend and I headed back home to Herriman.

I checked the mail when we got home about 7:30.  Still no license.  I grabbed my passport, bound and determined to get a new cell phone that night come hell or high water, and drove off to a closer Best Buy about 20 minutes away in Jordan Landing.  Once again, super busy, but I kept occupied by talking with some friends on the phone.  Upon being helped by a worker I explained to her the situation with my driver's license and why I was using my passport and she made some joke about finding money in my passport.  I told her she could keep any Argentine pesos that she might find in there.  She started clickety-clicking away on the computer.  We determined that I would get the 5s instead of the 5c and I was excited knowing it would only cost me about 25 bucks after trading in my old phone.  She started messing with the settings of my old phone in order to transfer service over to my new phone.  Then she turned the new phone on, booted everything up and updated all of the settings.  Then she had to actually process the upgrade with Verizon.  I signed a bunch of contracts and whatnot.  Next she started filling out the paperwork on the computer for my trade in so that I could finally pay the balance and be on my way.  She got a look on her face and then asked me if I had my driver's license.  I reminded her of my situation.  Then she left to go find her boss.  Ten minutes later she returned and asked if I had any other form of state ID.  I tried to gently remind her that all I had was my passport which I had been upfront about the entire time and which I was told at the first Best Buy would work just the same as a driver's license.  "I know," she said, "but with the trade-in part you have to have a state issued ID."  At this point it had sunk in that I would not be getting any new phone that night.  This is where I had to choose happiness.  It was a disappointing and frustrating situation.  Throwing a tantrum wouldn't change anything.  Crying (even though I kinda felt like it) wouldn't change anything.  So then I just sat there quietly while she had to call back Verizon and undo my upgrade, then switch service back from my new phone to the old one, put my new phone back in the box and hand me back my old phone.  I walked out of the store a little bit in a daze and looked at my phone.  It was 9:30.  I had spent 3 hours trying to get a new phone.  I thought about getting angry for a minute but realized I had already told myself that I would choose happiness in this situation.  So I went to chik-fil-a and drove home tired but happy.  And I'm still waiting for my license to come in the mail.  

Joy and happiness are ALWAYS there for the taking.  The CHOICE to take it can be challenging.  It's one thing to say, "I will not get frustrated in this moment, it's really not a big deal in the grand scheme of things" but sometimes the things we deal with can really seem like big deals.  And we can't just avoid challenging or hard times.  Mourning, suffering and sorrow are all part of life's equation, they can be a part of it quite often, in fact.  I've wondered, "can I really be happy when I'm physically ill?  Can I really be happy when people I love are struggling?  Can the really hard parts of life actually be happy?"  The answer has to do with Jesus Christ and the peace and comfort that come from His atonement.  Unfortunately I don't have the words to express this more and truthfully, I am still learning and figuring this all out.  But lately, the lessons I am learning are that I can pray for peace.

I wrote in my scriptures as a teenager that peace is better than happiness.  As an adult I am learning that they are the same thing.  The temple is a place of peace and I feel very happy there.  Not exactly the same kind of happy as Disneyland but it's still a great happy.  My definition of what happiness is is stretching and broadening to encompass a lot of different types of goodness.  And I'm (trying) to choose all of it.




****I should add that I am in no way saying that mental illness is a choice.  That is an entirely different ball game.  Hopefully no one interprets this that way.  No one should feel hopeless or helpless.  No one is a victim.  With mental illness the choice available is how to combat it.  I respect anyone who is struggling with that choice.

I should maybe just tweet this but I don't have a twitter

Dating would be so much easier if I just had tourettes* and no shame.  I'd just blurt out what I think and not be embarrassed about it.  There'd be no room for interpretation or subjectivity.  Just the cold, hard truth.  Sprazzy-spraz:  Keepin' it real.

*or some other condition where I unabashedly spouted my thoughts, feelings and opinions without fear of consequence.  I just looked up tourette syndrome and it really has nothing to do with the conditions I just described.  Read about it.

When Song Lyrics Express What You Are Feeling...

I don't know why but just about every line in this song spoke to me today.  Listen to it HERE or I also like THIS VERSION.

Close your eyes and clone yourself
Build your heart an army
To defend your innocence
While you do everything wrong

Don't be scared to walk alone
Don't be scared to like it
There's no time that you must be home
So sleep where darkness falls

Alive in the age of worry
Smile in the age of worry
Go wild in the age of worry
And say worry, why should I care?

No your fight is not within
Yours is with your timing
Dream your dreams but don't pretend
Make friends with what you are
Give your heart then change your mind
You're allowed to do it
Cause God knows it's been done to you
And somehow you got through it

Alive in the age of worry
Rage in the age of worry
Sing out in the age of worry
And say worry, why should I care?

Rage in the age of worry
Act your age in the age of worry
And say worry, get out of here!

My Time in Florida (continued)

-Sunday, ahh, Sunday was glorious.  First of all, during sacrament meeting they had a farewell of sorts for a family in the ward who was moving to Montreal because the Dad had been called as a mission president.  In addition, the eldest daughter was leaving to serve a mission in Paris.  The family did a musical number and sang love at home in French--it was super sweet.  Then, I got to teach the 10-11 year old class.  Being with them reminded me how much I love teaching any age and how much I love teaching the gospel.  We had a lot of fun and those kids cracked me up.  It was cool to be with them during sharing time and hear and sing songs that I remember singing in Primary--it's been awhile.

-After church there was a luncheon for the family leaving to Montreal and I got to meet Isjaneth who is the coolest.  It felt soooo good to speak in Spanish and of course, she is a steel magnolia like so many of the incredible women I met in Argentina.

-Later that evening we headed over to Isjaneth's house to make arepas and hang with the family.  I feel pretty good about being able to make them on my own as long as I can find the right kind of corn flour.  Trust me, I want to make these at home, and you want me to invite you over for dinner :)  After dinner we played games with the kids--who I adore.  Joel is a mischievous little boy who is just silly and such a character.  Sarah is incredibly smart and eager to learn.  Sarah sang for us and then got on the piano and performed some of the songs she has written.  They're good, mark my words you will hear this girl on the radio someday.  You just don't expect to hear a voice like she has coming from an 8-9 year old.

-I was seriously grinning from ear-to-ear by the time we left.  It just felt so good to attend a normal family ward and feel needed in a calling and to spend time with an awesome family and speak Spanish.  It felt almost a little bit like the mission.



-Monday I started to notice all of the creatures that live in Florida.  I found frogs (or maybe that was Tuesday?) by the outside trash can and I snapped a picture of this little guy after I noticed a few of them hanging from the outside of Makamae's windows.



-We also hit up Ybor City.  This is the place I would live if I were to move to Tampa.  We were on a mission to find this Cuban Bakery I had read about online called La Segunda Bakery.  You can read more about it HERE if you want :)  Once again here are some pictures of the bakery that I didn't think to take and a picture of my guava turnovers.

FROM  https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeaN2Xf5KYirmQPs-WEuVAb6yBzh-VUJIztTsdwkB_kzXRth4LwVNkdbiI6bxRGs-a3GoOtXTzniLvDYbnhNQsukP9WWcZ9EC37xOHnhyJ3nW9_fUM8cISgljOhUJa3Dg1eaL_-3ESujE/s1600/bakery3.JPG

FROM https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-Qn3c-axgBoc/T4G4jNO5wzI/AAAAAAALGLo/XNzMtNZNjBA/s250-c-k-no/La%2BSegunda%2BCentral%2BBakery

FROM https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-4t4N9KYZAeo/T37E51-dq-I/AAAAAAAD7BI/iAYP1fZsbWA/s250-c-k-no/La%2BSegunda%2BCentral%2BBakery

Mmmmm, guava pastries!

-On the way home I was appreciating the houses and the overall ambiance of the place that is Ybor City and how it was a little rough around the edges.  For example, the beautiful white house on the bottom right has bars on the lower windows.  Mak probably thought it was weird that I was giddy driving through this semi-sketch neighborhood but I loved it.



-That night we had Alona over for dinner and I made empanadas.  You can buy the tapas at Wal-mart and pretty much any other grocery store in Tampa.  I'm a little jealous that I can't just go to my regular grocery store to pick up some tapas.  I made them a little bit too spicy since I threw some cayenne pepper in the picadillo but a little kick never hurt anyone.  They turned out lovely.



-Tuesday we hit up the Hyde Park shopping area to visit some boutiques.  The Hyde Park neighborhood reminds me a little bit of a those picture perfect neighborhoods with well kept old mansions in Southeast Portland.  The buildings and homes are old but beautifully restored/upkept.  It upkept a word?  You know what I mean though, like, maintained.  Super trendy though; I'm glad Mak thought to take me here.

Can't seem to find the link where I borrowed this image from--don't sue me people.

FROM http://www.mulliganshuttle.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/hyde-park-village-park-nice.jpg

FROM http://www.realestatesizzle.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/05/hydepark-2dtampa-small.jpg

-After that we made our way over to the centro of Ybor City.  I could have a taken a million pictures of the buildings.  Just look for yourself.  I adored this area.  It was a little bit eclectic and kind of funky.  Reminded me of NW 23rd in Portland.  My favorite was the cuban cigar store and all of the old men sitting outside smoking.

Can you tell I loved the archways and the iron detail at the top?

Isn't it just so charming?

-Okay, I can't remember the name of the crepe place but that was our reason for heading back to Ybor City for the second day in a row.  I loved the tile floors in the place, it seemed like the kind of flooring you'd find in an old house in San Juan centro.  I was just waiting for someone to come out with a lampazo to start cleaning the floors.  I also snapped a pic of some of the creative crepe names.

This is Ybor City, I loved the brick roads!

-Also some time on Tuesday Mak took me to a neighborhood in South Tampa, near the AF base, where they had brick roads and I took some pictures of this amazing public elementary school.



-Wednesday I didn't take any pictures.  We did head back to La Segunda for more guava tarts and turnovers.  Mak made pitas for me and they came in real handy when I started to get hungry at the airport.

-I totally home aloned it through the Dallas/Ft. Worth airport because our plane landed as my plane to Salt Lake began boarding.  Of course we taxied for EVER and then people taking their sweet time getting off the plane.  Then, I found out I need to get to a different concourse and had to take the shuttle thing which had numerous stops before I could finally get off in the right area and run to my gate.  I got there 2 minutes before scheduled take-off.  Whew, glad I made home!