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Tuesday, May 6


Most of my memories are fuzzy, and to be honest, there are lots of things I should remember but don't. But I had a sharp snippet of a memory come back to me today.  It felt like deja vu almost.  I went outside tonight to get some fresh air and to get out of my stuffy house.  I layed in my hammock and basically communed with the night sky whilst listening the Penny & Sparrow album.  Do you ever have that?  Looking up into the night sky and just being alone in your thoughts is just plain spiritual sometimes.  I just felt so complete and at peace.  Better connected to myself.  With a better sense of who I've always been (that eternal part of me that will always be).  

And for some reason that feeling took me back to 2002 in Tyler's white clunker of an SUV (she had a name like Bessie or Bertha).  I can't remember who was there that night...maybe Jon and Esera, maybe Claud, Mak or Tiffany.  But I remember laying there in the back with the seat folded down and listening silently to Simon (by Lifehouse) and breathing in fresh Idaho air and feeling so at peace and so loved and just in communion with everything and everyone around me.  It made me miss all of the times in Idaho when there was nothing to do and we would go driving on a dark night through potato farm roads, and not say anything, and just be.  It made me miss the kinds of friendships where you don't have to say anything, you're okay just being together and let the music do the talking.  Or where quiet is okay because you know each other well enough to have the capacity to converse without talking.

Sometimes I forget how much certain things make me happy.  Looking at the stars is one of them.  I need to do it more often.

And now, a few of the delicious lyrics from the song To Haunt, To Startle

When you hear nothing...
And you feel less...
Your struggle is pretty, sit still
& know that I know what is best.