My friend Makamae wrote some of her confessions recently; here are a few of mine...
1. When I was younger I didn't know the difference between a warranty and a guarantee. They sounded the same so I thought they meant the same thing.
2. When my brother Nathan and I get together we speak in "little kid talk" that we made up to mimic Macey when she was a toddler/little kid. Even if it's just the two of us and no one is around, sometimes we will still talk like that even though we are both in our late 20's.
3. This past August I went to the dentist for the first time in seven years. I had seven cavities and needed a crown. Six months later, I went back for my 6-month checkup and I had 4 more cavities that needed to be filled. I love to brush my teeth but it's the never flossing that always gets me in the end. Do you know anybody that enjoys flossing? It's tedious and it hurts.
4. You know how sometimes you'll read a word over and over again and you say it wrong in your head? I do this with the word "forensic". I always hear it my head like this, "for-sen-ic". I'll say it outloud, "for-sen-ic evidence". What the heck is forsenic evidence...I'm the only one who knows.
5. One Christmas, when I was between the ages of 11 and 14, I got so mad at my Dad that I opened up the present I had bought for him and I ate it. I think it was gourmet caramel popcorn with nuts or something like unto it. I don't remember what he said or did that made me so mad.
6. ****Disclaimer: This one is a poop story from Argentina. Feel free to skip it if you're squeamish. It was just too good a confession to leave out.
My comp and I got a case of extremely severe food poisoning from something we were fed which resulted in what we call "the diarrhea crisis of '06" or "the black death week". The place where we lived had an incredibly filthy laundry basin that spat out black or brown dirty water. So instead we washed our clothes in buckets filled with water from the shower spout or kitchen sink. We did not have very large buckets, only a few pieces of clothing would fit at one time. On the worst day of our sickness I had a little incident which soiled a portion of my fitted sheet about the size of a silver dollar. I was so weak that I could barely move. I folded the sheet over on itself so I wouldn't touch it as I slept, mustering what little strength I had, I rolled over and went back to bed. I rinsed off that portion of the sheet 5-8 hours later when I was able to move again but didn't take the sheets to be washed at a member's house for at least a week or 2 after that.
7. I only make my bed if someone is coming over and I think that they might see my bedroom.
8. I ran into an old student of mine who was out with his family celebrating high school graduation. I said, "Hey, Kolby, do you remember how you got all of the boys in the class to start calling me Hermana Spravzoff?" and he responded with, "Do you remember how you got mad at me that one time and told me to go to hell?" I really did say that to him, I can't explain it, it just popped out. I'm glad he was just razzing me about it. It's funny, at the time I talked to his mom about the incident and she was like, "he probably deserved it." It's true. He did.
9. I've never used a mop in my life. I've only ever scrubbed floors on my hands and knees or I've used a swiffer or something like that.
10. I unknowingly broke the word of wisdom on my mission (my 3rd comp's trainer drank green tea, so she thought it was ok). And I knowingly bought something on a Sunday. My trainer bought some chocolate from a kiosco so I justified doing it too. Interestingly enough, upon leaving the mission, keeping the sabbath day holy was one of the commandments where my testimony had grown the most.